Pam and I are at the Rose Bowl. I see a baby in a stroller.
Me: I wonder what it’s like to be a baby in a stroller. I wonder if that’s fun to watch the whole world fly by while you’re just sitting there, doing nothing.
Pam: I wonder what it’s like to be a puppy a lot. Everyone pets you and brings you food and thinks you’re cute. And you don’t have to work.
A few things I love about this. One: Everyone pets Pam and thinks she’s cute anyways (so she and puppies don’t have much of a different existence). Two: Pam thinks a perk to being is a puppy is unemployment! Three: Pam has had this existential puppy pondering MORE than once!
This started a long conversation about whether it’s better to be a puppy or a baby. Pam advocated for puppies because babies, as she said, “are more complicated.” As evidence of her argument she cited their propensity to poop, drool and cry – And I quote, “You’re just a mess if you’re a baby.” (How great is that quote!?) I then told her that puppies do the same sorts of things. She rebuttaled by suggesting that puppies are cleaner in their pooping and throwing up. So really it became a debate about what we’d rather have around – a puppy or a baby. We then concluded that Pam hates babies. Kidding! We actually finished the conversation when I told Pam, “You drool and puke everywhere and I still want to keep you!” which made her unreasonably defensive and caused her to burst out, “I do not!” Shortly before or after this moment I concluded that we were both morons.