Geico spies?

I have this friend who has a problem, let’s call her Franklin.  So, Franklin has a newish house and lately she’s been finding an influx of lizards IN HER HOUSE!!  Including last night – while I was on the phone with her – she found one on her bed and she screamed like someone was trying to murder her and also yelled, “Why do they hate me???”   These are the facts:  She has screens on all her windows and there’s no major or minor cracks in the wallsAnd sometimes the lizard is big and sometimes the lizard is small.  So people, what do you think, where are these lizards coming from?  Some theories:

1) Shower Drains

2) Chimney

3) They use their little lizard hands to unlock doors and open them.

4) They’re representatives of Geico working to seduce Franklin into changing her car insurance and so they’re breaking into the house using lizard spy technology. 

lizard

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Friends don’t scare Friends.

I’d like to change this caption to, “Friends don’t hide around the corner from other friends because it’s totally scary and not cool.” 

image007

Being scared makes me say mean things like, “I don’t like you!”  I used to think it was funny to scare people – so I’d hide under blankets and in closets-  but then I realized it made me kind of a bad person, so I stopped.  This one time, my roommmates and I were hosting a birthday slumber party for some high school girls and a few of their boyfriends snuck over and turned our power off.  Mass hysteria ensued – screaming, running, falling.  When the lights came back on, there were girls standing on tables and couches and I was perched by the door, holding a baseball bat.  I didn’t even know we had a bat in the house.  Julie, my roommate, was pointing at me and crying from laughter, saying, “You have a bat!” and I’m yelling, “Why do we have a bat in the house?  Whose is this?” None of us played baseball or softball. 

This other time, Julie and Connie (same house), hid a doll in my room.  It was a talking elmo doll that had old batteries in it.  It was motion sensitive, but instead of having the high-pitched, harmless Elmo voice, it had this scary, slow, murderer voice.  And guess what it said?  Peek-a-boo.  I know, right?  So I come in from work, open my door, and am greeted, in the dark, by a deep male robotic voice saying, “Peek-a-boo!”  Scared me half to death.  They got such a kick out of my responses that it became their passion in life to freak me out.  Once they hooked up an old, salon heat lamp to my light switch(see photo).  PibbsTl931%203%20Headed%20Heat%20Lamp%20ChromeI came in from work, house pitch dark.  I walk in my room and flip the light switch, but instead of my overhead light, I am met by these three blaring red lights, omitting heat rays.  There was also this frightening noise they were making, like a deep man hum.  And I swear to you I immediatly thought I was being abducted by aliens.  I screamed so loud. 

So, friends don’t scare friends.  I am just as guilty.  I have hidden under beds, under stairwells, in closets, in the backseats of cars.  But then one day I woke up and thought, “I’m either gonna get murdered, or scare someone so bad they die.”  Neither of those options seem like a fun result.  So, friends don’t scare friends.

A present…

Hi.

How are you?

Here’s a pretty song for you.  It’s sad, yes.  But Jose Gonzalez – there’s something about him – something right and good and just for you. 

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Heartbeats/585265

And then this song by Andrew Bird, yes, yes, yes.  Do it!  

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/The_Giant_Of_Illinois/22019033

And then this too?  Ok, I love you.

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Do_You_Think_Theres_A_Heaven/10681631

Pam’s Epitaph

Today Pam said, and I quote: “I don’t like liking people that arn’t good people.” 

I decided to use this quote as Pam’s epitaph when she is no longer little and kicking.

Pam- She didn’t like liking people that weren’t good people. 

Speaking of dying, the other day my mother and I were in my favorite thrift store – Thrift Town- in the Bay Area.  It’s the one I’ve been going to since I was a teenager and I told her that Thrift Town feels really homey to me.  She agreed.  Then I told her that I wanted my ashes poured out on the floors of Thrift Town. 

Too morbid?  I’m sorry.  Back to Pam dying….

I am ready…

The book itself is only nine lines long.  It’s in the pictures that the story is told.  And now through that beautiful boy – Max Records with Catherine Keener as his mom (I LOVE her) – we will see it come to life this weekend! 

It is rainy and cold and I am at my desk eating toast and cheese and my arm is sore from a shot and I am thinking that those wild beast suits are probably quite warm, or even more, I bet it’d be so nice to be hugged by one.  I think I could lie down right on top of one and go to sleep just this minute. 

10_where_the_wild_things_ar

And Wednesday feels like…

Sad Bon Iver songs.

boniver

Do you watch HOUSE?  No? You should.  I have Netflix and I went through all five or so seasons pretty fast.  My favorite episode thus far has a Bon Iver song on it.  That’s actually what made me love him.  Re:stacks.  And the scene where they play it – well it’s just perfect.  I don’t always think they get it right on the show- musically speaking.  In fact, sometimes I get really irritated.  But on that episode, the one with the bus crashing, and the death of a main character, the song is just, just right. 

Wednesday is such a great word.  We’re nearing the end.  Half completed.  And this weather, this romantic gloom that’s snuck in, how surprising.  It’s L.A. and the sun will steal the clouds away and leave us drenched in heat again.  But today the gloom is here and I am wearing a winter’s sweater and thinking I should drink tea and bake bread this evening.  The sun is good for me and all my melancholy ways, but still my heart stirs when the cold sets in.

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization

It’s the sound of the unlocking and the lift away

Your love will be

Safe with me

Part III

“I’m a stranger now, in my own home town.  I’ve been away too long, forgotten all my songs.  And I suppose I’ll be moving on, can’t stay long…”

I have a song I want you to hear SO BAD.  I don’t think it’s anywhere on the internet.  Grr…so, you have to buy the LP.  Okay?  Thanks. 

It’s by Band of Annuals who I’ve talked about before on here.  It’s a song about a break up and it has a long harmonica solo and the lead singers voice is just so sad and right.  Whenver it sneaks up on my IPOD or computer I turn it up WAY too loud and I close my eyes.  Dramatic, I know.  But I have a perpetually broken heart – and heartbreak songs are like a big, lingering hug to me.   

Band of Annuals is actually going to be in L.A. next week.  YAY!  I have a great story about the last time I saw them.  I can’t post it here- too embarrassing – but I’ll tell you over coffee sometime, ok? 

Find a way to listen to Part III.  It’ll be worth it. 

“She’s got it made.  She married so the bills were paid.  And I love to hear her say, ‘I guess I’m better off anyway, but I sure do miss those days… but they fade’…..  And all that I’ve done, is try to forget and all that I’ve said, it doesn’t mean shit.”

Pam and I consider adoption

Me: We should do something REALLY special this holiday season.  Something memorable that will make us always remember THIS year.

Pam: Like what?

Me: Uhh… (then enthusiastically) Like adopt a child!

Pam: Together?

Me: Yes!

Pam: And share him?

Me: Exactly! You in?

Pam: (without any consideration) No.

Monday feels like…

Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch (who by the way, can probably be my boyfriend if he wants).

alexi

When I am alone
When I’ve thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When I’ve lost all care for the things I own
That’s when I miss you, that’s when I miss you, that’s when I miss you
You who are my home
You who are my home
And here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies

And also it feels a bit like Paul Simon singing Rene and Georgette Magritte with their Dog After the War.  Which I liked instantly the first I heard it, then reading more found out it’s a montage of 50’s style music – the kind of lover’s rock n’ roll that first made Simon want to make music.  I love 50’s styling -musically speaking –  the doowop era – with those amazing harmonies- Iron and Wine’s Flightless Bird, American Mouth captures that mood too.  The feeling is romantic, nostalgic.  Simon wrote his song after he saw a photograph by surrealist Rene Magritte with his wife and dog during WWII while Germany was under the occupation.  The song’s a hypothetical of the secret longings and loves of these artists as they live in captivity and the bands Simon lists are all black doowop artists from the fifties – so the imagery is even more evocative. 

Easily losing their evening clothes,  They danced by the light of the moon
To the penguins, the moonglows
The orioles, and the five satins
The deep forbidden music
Theyd been longing for.”rene