Sometimes, right before I fall asleep, I think about my friends and I feel so damn lucky. Can I say that? Because I think it. I think it all the time. It’s a bit dramatic, I know.
So life is hard. It’s short and unending. It’s complex and tragic and at times just achingly beautiful. And the tendency I have is to get lost in the big, unknowns – the parts I can’t control, the impending feelings of doom, like everything could at any point fall to pieces. But then there are times when I have the where-with-all to look around and see who is right beside me and it seriously blows my mind. I think I’m privy to know just about the kindness, deepest souls out there.
I’m thinking of my dear Jen today, with her tenacious spirit and open heart. I’m thinking of her babies with their bright eyes and toothy smiles and how they’ve inherited their parent’s unending kindness and generosity. Jordan, last he was here, left his toy airplane in my car. I keep it there. It’s now a staple in the back seat. “Why’s this airplane here?” “Oh that stays. It’s Jordan’s. He’ll get it next time he comes.” Jen, if you’re reading this. I don’t have the words. I never do. It’s deep, deep inside. It’s some mix of gratitude, understanding, utter disbelief, and what? What’s that final word? Love? Hysterics? Luck? Luck. I feel lucky.