Pam just hurt my feelings.
Me: I’m going to make a ‘Pam Tab’ on my blog.
Pam: But what if we stop being friends?
Me: Why would you say something like that?
Pam: Or what if I stop working here, move away and we never talk?
Me: Pam, Stop being a &%**@!
Pam: Okay, I’ll never leave.
Pam is behind me now doing something in my shelves and I just heard her yell, “This isn’t safe!” I turned around and she’s holding a bag of scizzors that almost fell on her. Safety’s for losers, Pam.
Me: You’re fired.
Pam: You can’t fire me.
Me: Yes I can. You’re not the only one that abandons.
Pam: What would you do without me? Who’s gonna read the fine print.
Okay, so this one time, I may have bought some unnecessary things on the internet without reading the fine print. I thought I was getting free samples, but I was actually purchasing large quantities of supplies. Pam was reading over my shoulder and stopped me before I devestated my bank account. She calls it her funniest day at work.
Pam: I’m your life coach. (Picks up the turtle on my desk) This is ugly.
Me: Are you going to wear something cowboyish to my party?
Pam: I thought it was a Southern Party.
Me: (long pause, sideward glance) Do you not know where cowboys are from? Not sure what they are?
Pam: I thought you meant Southern like peach cobbler and that lady on the food network.
Me: What lady?
Pam: Google Southern Lady Food Network.
Me: (Head on desk laughing)
Pam: I didn’t think you were having a Redneck party.
Five hours latter Pam yells Paula Dean!
Pam wants this party:
And not this party:
Pam: You should go on a date today.
Pam: Because your skin looks nice.
Me: That’s such a weird thing to say.
Brother: I have an oxygen tank now.
Me: (alarmed) WHY?
Brother: I stole it from the retirement home.
Long, sustained laughter.
Me: Won’t that cause brain damage?
Brother: It could.
Me: That’s not funny.
Me: Mimi loves you.
Pam: I know she does.
Me: Mimi’s going to be a reoccuring theme on my blog. As are you. You’re like a celebrity.
Pam: I know, don’t you have any other friends?
Me: When I get famous do you want to be my personal assistant?
Me: You’ll have to clean my room.
Pam: Can’t I just hire someone to do that?
Me: No, not when we’re first starting out – we won’t have money yet. And that’s what personal assistants do.
Pam: Clean your room?
Me: Yea, you know, find my papers and stuff. And you’ll have to cook food.
Me: It’s better than what you do now.
Pam: It is actually what I do now.
Me: I’ll buy you lots of presents.
Me: The only reason I’m still friends with David is because he brings me Pupusas.
Pam: You could always buy your own Pupusas.
David: (Says nothing. Continues silently reading magazine with disinterested expression.).
(taken from blondieandbrownie.blogspot.com)
Me: I’m worried about Lola (my new plant).
Me: I’m just worried I won’t keep her alive. Look, she’s already wilting.
Me: Right there on the corner.
Barbara: It’s fine.
Me: She’s dying. I’m already killing her.
Barbara: It’s just a blemish. She can’t be perfect. It’s like that mark on your chin.
Me: My zit?
Barbara: Yes. It’s like the plant has a zit on it’s chin and it’ll go away.
Me: (In my head) What a terrible comparison!
Mike: Do you know what I mean?
Me: You know what, I was starring at your face and I wasn’t listening.
Mike: Oh my god!
Me: I wanted to be honest.
Me: I really want to go to Japan. Do you know anyone I could stay with in Japan?
Pam: I do. Well, no. I know someone in Mongolia.
Me: Sometimes I feel like you don’t know where Japan is.