Ya’ll, Friday Night Lights is over.

Do you know your favorite all time drama series?

I had a margarita and watched the final two episodes of Friday Night Lights tonight and damnit, I’m not ready to say goodbye.  It may be the little bit of liquor I drank, but really, it might just be FNL.  I’m struggling to find a comparison.  I like Mad Men, but not more than FNL.  Pushing Daisies was a comedy, right?  Right.  So, doesn’t count.   Dexter was great, but I will not choose a show about a psychopath to be my favorite.  I don’t like what that says about me.  Plus, it wasn’t. Then there was Battlestar Galactica and the ended nearly ruined that show for me.  There were parts in the beginning and middle that were pretty great.  But I SO could have given that show a better ending – don’t get me started.  I have very deep unhappy feelings about all that.

What else is there in the drama category?  I never got into Lost.  Alias was ok.  I’d still like to see The West Wing.  I liked 90210.  And there was a time where I was really obsessed with The X-files.  I had a big fatty crush on David Duchovny and his big nose.  My So Called Life was great.  Oh and Sex in the City — that’s up there on the favorites list.  Pretty far up there.  Oh, and I really liked Quantum Leap.  What?  Is that not a drama?  Seriously, nothing funny about these guys..

Ok, I think I’m going to commit to these four shows as my longstanding favorite dramas.

1.  Wonder Years

2. Felicity

3. Friday Night Lights

4. Sex in the City

Did Wonder Years throw you off?  But seriously, how freaking awesome was that show?  I want to start from the beginning and watch it all again.  I never saw the ending.  I just couldn’t.  Which is actually the purpose of this post.  Endings. Show endings.

Tonight I watched the ending of FNL.  Oh my, I don’t know what to do with myself.  I love them.  (translation – them means characters). I absolutely love them.  Like I know them.  Like they are my real friends and my real life.  Meh.  But, spoiler alert, here are my opions regarding the last episode:

1.  Matt and Julie back together and in Chicago:  PERFECTION.  I love me some Matt Saracen and missed him a lot on that last season.

2.  What the hell is Gracie-Bell gonna do in Phillidelphia, right?

3. Tyra and Riggs — eh.  Just, eh.  I gotta be honest.  I love me some Landry.  And, uh, remember when Landry KILLED someone for Tyra.  Commmmmmon!  I would have liked to have seen her come back for Landry, not Riggs.

4.  Which brings up the point — way to forget about Landry in the end there.  He was by far one of my favorite characters.  He should have got Tyra.  I’m standing by that. Uh, KILLED A MAN FOR HER.  And so damn funny.  Landry was the crap.

5.  Riggs on his land.  Good stuff.  And though I hated Lyla – that may have made a better ending since SO much was built on them getting together.  So, I’m on the fence about Riggs and who he should have been with.  Maybe no one.  Maybe he should have been left dangling out there for all women to long for, for all time.

6.  Coach in Philadelphia.  I liked that he was with High Schoolers.  That’s the right answer.  He should never be a college football coach.  And the woman empowerment part was really great – good for Tammy getting her dreams.  But there was something real sad about them being away from their community and starting over and losing all that Texas goodness.  I get it, but I always feel a little weird when shows end that way.  Like how everyone leaves their New York apartments in Friends.  Or Cheers closes down.  Why can’t stuff keep going just the way it is? But I get it – they had to move on – everyone was OK now — Julie had stopped being a whore, Vince and his mom were on track, the panthers had been restored, Riggins was back and doing good, and Buddy had his boy, and Jess got her family and her dream job.  Good stuff.  But it just seemed like the Taylors should have been those teachers — the ones that stay with high schoolers forever.  But none-the-less, good plot twist and way to go, Eric.

7.  I like the whole Riggins family blending with what’s her face and Luke.  That was all very sweet and good and perfect.  But Luke in the military?  Booooo.

8.  Glad they ended on the Taylor’s.  Would have loved the montage to include EVERYONE — Smash, Street, Lyla, Tyra — the whole shabang.  And where the hell was Gracie Bell?

9.  Way to little of Riggins in Season 5.  Way too little.  Common.  And then he’s all greasy haired angry Riggins for the final two episodes.  Boooo.  Stupid prison ruins everything.

10.  I think I like the Lions better.

Bye Friday Nights.

Texas Forever.






Mad (wo)Men

Madmen is on Netflix now.  Did you know?  All four seasons.  Which means tonight I sat for many hours catching up on the 4th.

Every time I watch that show I feel uneasy.  The womanizing.  The way Betty treats Susie (the daughter).  And the one female that has a job besides a secretary, Peggy, well, she’s not that likable.  In fact, she plays dirty, sells out the other girls, and is kind of a bad person.  I know we’re supposed to feel a bit bad for her because she does what she does to survive in a man’s world, but honestly, I still think she’s pretty nasty at times.

But really, they all are.  It’s that show.  Like the movie, Magnolia.  You know everyone is dispicable, and yet you want them to be OK because you get the back story and glimpses of humanity.

Tonight’s show was particularly hard to watch — lots of cheating and poor Susie being treated bad.  It got me thinking, for such a long time I’ve had this hope — I hope I get to have girls, or at least one.  I know lots of people that want little boys – and I get that – -boys are pretty great — funny, and quirky, and fascinated with everything.  But I’d love to raise a girl to feel strong, and capable, and smart, and assertive.  Even if the rest of her experiences say otherwise – at least in our home, she’d hold her shoulders back.

I used to be so ashamed to be a woman and I hope my “imaginary” daughter never feels the weight of that gender shame.    I carried deep beliefs about my gender:  that we weren’t allowed to lead, that we weren’t as smart, that we were over-emotional, that all we did was nag and control, and that men would follow us.  A professor of mine once asked us to explore the question would we rather be a man — and at the time – I said I would.  I barley had to think about it.  Of course.   And I meant it.  I felt confident that all the dreams I had for my life – the kind of profession I really wanted — I could only have if I was a man.  If I remember right, no man in the class said he’d rather be a woman.  Unless he was making a stupid joke about how it’d be nice to have boobs.

I don’t feel that way anymore.  I simply love being a woman.  I really do.  And I’m so glad my brain has been rewired and I don’t hate my sex anymore, or see us as less than.  No, we’re incredible.  We have the capacity to make life inside of us.  We have the capacity to collect the brokenhearted.  We have the capacity to heal, and lead, and create.  We are strong, and capable, and present.  We make the world FULL.  I secretly think God might prefer us to men.  That might be complete heresy.  I try to make it my practice not to say what God thinks or likes as if I have first hand knowledge.  I just sense, I guess i FEEL, very loved and honored as a woman, not by church, or my culture, but by God.  It’s something internal that I can’t describe – just a deep delight I sense he has in all of us – all those moms in church, praying for their kids, and driving them all over, and serving men that suck and won’t change.  Man, when I think about the sacrifices my mom made for me.  I don’t even have words.

And lastly, I am so grateful to all the women that went before me.  All those poor gals that lined up to fight for the right to vote, or drive, or have a job!  And all those women that endured constant sexual harassment in the workplace before the law finally got on our side.  And now, all of us women that continue to fight for equal pay, God bless all of us.  We’re worth it.




Ally McBeal

I just put it on Netflix and the first scene is little Ally smelling her childhood sweetheart’s butt to see if she loves him(like dogs do). Hooked.

I have this memory of my Uncle before he died and I’ve just opened a Christmas present from my Mom — the yearly Pajama set– and someone says put them on, which I do, which I always do and my Uncle says “She looks like Ally McBeal,” and his boyfriend’s there and he agrees and I feel really proud and happy for a moment that I look like a celebrity. Funny how those things stick.

OH, but there’s some serious cheesiness in this show. Like the slow motion flash back scenes. I feel embarrassed watching them.


I cannot wait to see this. I first heard about it on NPR — they were interviewing the director/writer and it’s a true story. The writer’s mother was diagnosed with cancer and died, and afterward, his father told him that he was actually gay. Loved his mother, loved his life with his mother, but was gay. Listening to the writer speak on NPR was fascinating — just the nuances of human sexuality, and love, and who we are to each other and how we survive a confusing, unforgiving world. And love. Love. The last two days I struggled to love. I was impatient, irrational, irritated, unhappy, unpleasant, unforgiving. Love. I had the temptation at one moment to roll down my window and scream at an elderly man in his little toyota that he should “NOT BE ALLOWED ON THE ROAD!” Love. For as long as I can remember these things have been true — I can’t keep my mouth shut, I feel before I think, and I’m always too tired. Hm.

and oh, yes, I love, madly so, Ewan Mcregor. Mine. He’s just mine. And I mean no disrespect to his darling wife — he’s actually all hers and if I find out that he’s cheating on her, I will assist Eve in ending his life.

Death and Dexter

I seemed to be obsessed with death these days.

This is not surprising to me. I’m dramatic. I have a whole shelf of books dedicated to the topic. Well, not death, but the aftermath of death – grief, recovery, etc. And in all my favorite movies someone drops dead. I won’t list them for fear I’d ruin a plot for you. But I think about death a lot, always have. I mean, not every day, but often enough. And lately, I keep asking friends about their experiences with death, well, again, not death, but bodies. I ask, “do you remember the first dead body you ever saw?” over tacos. Morbid, I know. The answers are terrific though. I mean really fascinating. I’m writing a piece, formulating this essay of sorts, an exploration of my fixation, of my fears, of our cultural avoidance with the whole process and it all started with me thinking about the first dead body I ever saw – which, shockingly, wasn’t that long ago.

Strangely, I have also been watching the show Dexter non-stop. Dexter, if you don’t know, is a show about a sociopath serial-killer that kills serial-killers. Charming, no? There’s so much death, disturbing, senseless death in it. And somehow it’s both light and heavy. It’s hysterical. And the relationships are tender. I can’t stop watching. The simplicity of the losses grabs at me. It’s strange. It’s frightening. And the strangeness stays with me and makes other real-life things strange. Like I was on the phone with my mother and I can’t even begin to say how much I like my mother. She’s like a perfect day. I mean she’s a mom with all the things that make you want to rip your hair out, but still she’s Mom – mom in the best sense of the word. And this world without her, well, I just can’t grasp that world. That’s what I thought of after I hung up the phone. I thought of that because I’m watching Dexter, and I’m thinking about dead bodies, and I’m writing stories about loss. Loss and Resurrection. I once heard a writer say that was all she could think about – “Loss and resurrection”. Everything she saw in life was Loss and Resurrection.  Everything. 

Here’s the strange part – not depressed. All the death pondering hasn’t sent me down a dark well of nothingness. Is it Buddhism that tells you to ponder your non-existence to appreciate your presence in the now? I feel that. Now is a good moment. Everyone I want alive and breathing and reachable is right here. That’s a feeling I can’t even find words for. Overwhelming.

So, let’s end by saying, don’t watch Dexter. I have to say that because I’d feel bad encouraging our culture’s sickly obsession with senseless violence. But if you do watch it, let’s talk, because GOOD GRIEF….. I mean, really, GOOD GRIEF! 

Oh and Netflix is ruining my life. I hardly read or write lately. I wish they weren’t so accessible. I’m a bum now. The other day I found myself quoting t.v. shows like the characters were my actual friends. “And then Liz Lemon was all….”

Sad. I hate those people.  How cute is he with his bloody face?


So, yea, I have watched this part of the episode a good five or six times.  Too many favorite parts.  Her voice when ordering the pizza.  Night spanks.  Eating cigarettes.  Her singing the song with Denise.  “Good morning, Dummies.” “If only some genius had video-tapped her living room last night, oh wait, IT did!”

I am ready…

The book itself is only nine lines long.  It’s in the pictures that the story is told.  And now through that beautiful boy – Max Records with Catherine Keener as his mom (I LOVE her) – we will see it come to life this weekend! 

It is rainy and cold and I am at my desk eating toast and cheese and my arm is sore from a shot and I am thinking that those wild beast suits are probably quite warm, or even more, I bet it’d be so nice to be hugged by one.  I think I could lie down right on top of one and go to sleep just this minute. 


Fall Films

So, there’s some fun things happening in the world of film.  Here’s a list of what I’m excited about.

1. Where the Wild Things Are – the heart-stirring book from the 60’s has been adapted into a film.  I am partly nervous that the film will be too dark and not do the book justice.  But then- I am also thrilled to see it – Spike Jonze is the Director – which is such an interesting/weird choice.   Jonze is known for a lot of things – Being John Malcovich, Apaptation – both pretty dark.  But also, he did some of the Beastie Boys music videos!  Shout out!  But what’s really exciting about Where the Wild Things Are is that Dave Eggers did the screen play.  Eggers has been referenced before on this blog.  Love him.  

2.  Amelia – So, I’m not the hugest fan of Hilary Swank – but I really like Mira Nair, the director.  She made Salaam Bombay! which is one of the most brilliant, terrifying, painful films about poverty, specifically how poverty affects children.  So I’m interested in how she tells the story of Amelia Earhart.  From what I’ve read, Earhart was a fascinating figure – really modern for her times.  Nair has a great way of showcasing the strength of women – so I’m excited to see what she does with this.

3. Fantastic Mr. Fox by Oh My Goodness, Wes Anderson.  My favorite film is The Darjeeling Limited (by Anderson).  I can watch it over and over again.  Every grey thing he touches turns to color and explodes and those reoccurring themes of his – parental abandonment, sibling rivalries, forbidden love – don’t they just slay you?  What’s great about this feature – beside that it’s animated and Roald Dahl book-  is that it has Bill Murray and Owen Wilson and Meryl Streep and Jason Schwartzman.  Amazing.  Mostly because of Bill Murray.  Oh Bill Murray.

4. Bright Star:  A period piece about the poet John Keats.  Sound boring?  I think not!  It looks heartbreaking and what’s not to love about a poor poet and again, a forbidden love?  Watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7IwhVQa8Uk 

Of coure there’s New Moon, cough, I can hardly wait .  Oh vampires.  And in the spring Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland with his boy, Johnny Depp.  So freaky and fun.  There’s more I should write of but I can’t find my list any longer – so we’ll keep it at that.  To movies!

Worst Movie You Ever Saw.

Do you remember the worst movie you ever saw?  If so, tell me what it is. 

I don’t know if I can remember the worst EVER, but I got a close contender.  Last night, Jules and I went to see The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard.  I’m embarrassed to even say we saw it.  It was boring, gross, empty, racist, offensive and dumb.  I considered napping and I don’t movie nap, ever.  Not that I’m opposed to napping.  I am the best napper around, but I don’t like to mix genres (i.e. no eating in bed).   Anyways, if you had any inkling to go see it, don’t do it.  Don’t even see it on video.  I know I shouldn’t tell you what to do, but I want you to be happy.  Rent an oldie with Paul Newman or Jimmy Stewart – something that makes you believe in the decency of humankind.  And if you do decide to see it, eat something wholesome afterwards, like a salad.


On a different note, I saw a blog today that made me laugh and since I’d like nothing better than to make YOU laugh, I’m going to post a snippet from it, the little part that made me chuckle, for your enjoyment.  The blog was on the pros and cons of having chainsaws for arms.  Don’t forget to tell me the worst movie ever.

Pros of having chainsaws for arms: (taken from pleatedjeans.wordpress.com)

  • No one picks on me anymore
  • Can cut down a tree in no time
  • No such thing as a “locked door”
  • Look great in a tank top
  • Can always find my way out of a garden maze
  • No more inconvenient fingernail clipping
  • Never having to buy a Halloween costume (saves $$$)


A friend lent me Felicity.  I can’t even begin to explain how much I love that show.  I watched 6 episodes last night and I was 18 again.  It made me wish I would have done something different with my education.  I think that a lot.  I didn’t have any good academic advisers and I got terrible, disinterested advice about what classes to take and what I should do.  I wish I would have taken art history classes, fashion, photography, film and more writing and lit classes and done some acting.  I did one acting class and the professor (Monica Ganas) cried when i did my monologue and I actually thought a few times – I really like this!  I think I would have loved acting.  In High School too the Drama teacher approached me and asked me to be a ballerina in a play.  I didn’t do it and I still regret that.  I don’t feel like I took big enough risks.  I was too scared.  But I suppose in some ways I followed my heart – did what made me happy then.  I wanted to help people and study God and that’s what I did.  Anyways, the show just got me nostalgic for that seminal time in my life –  although nothing in the world would make me relive those years again  – all the emotions and confusion and everything feeling so HUGE – like the world might end tomorrow.  But if I could go back – I’d do it all different.  I’d go to New York or study in London.  I’d get into debt for a really compelling education rather than the safe one I did get.  Oh and I’d travel.  Forget working at camps – I’d have used those summers to live in Italy and backpack around South America.  I would have made myself learn Spanish.  Although, here’s what I am completely confident about – I wouldn’t, under any circumstances, want to give up the friends I met in college – in my college.  I know I would have met other beautiful people – but I want MY beautiful people because everything I love about my life now revolves around knowing them.  So, in that regard, I wouldn’t, really couldn’t, change a thing.  

But oh Ben and Noel and Felicity.  They’re giving me a much needed world to escape back into and I love them endlessly.  I wonder what Felicity’s life would have ended up being like if she had married Noel instead?  Ben probably became an alcoholic and cheated on her with someone he met in recovery.  Just kidding!  And not true!  But I totally understand the Ben Pull- it’s Ben and I would have chosen Ben too because, you know, it’s Ben.  If you haven’t seen the show, sorry I ruined it and you should see it anyways because it’s so sweet and wonderful.  And I don’t understand how the three main characters of this show didn’t go on to be big blockbuster stars.  It’s Ben!

And how totally annoiying is it how much they all say, “Hey…” 

Anyways, to the photos…









just kidding, Mimi hates Felicity.  Such a snob.